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cmysto02

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July 12th, 2012


12:19 am
I'm having one those moments when I really wish my dad were here. I think he would enjoy the music that I also enjoy, and would explore different bands with me. Same goes for beer. I can see us hanging out and watching TV or a movie and talking about the taste of it with him.

More than any thing I would love to hear his advice. He would have been a man with more experience, yet one who knew how to experience it as it happened. We could have grown together. It would rule.

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July 10th, 2012


02:35 pm
Another day, another suicide. Sometimes I wonder if life is simply waiting to die. Here today, dead tomorrow. What's the difference?

I am exhausted by these deaths.

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July 3rd, 2012


02:02 am - Sleep Forever
My body feels hollow
My soul is sick

This pen sucks

I want to find the person responsible for all of this
You inserted me into this bullshit system ill-equipped

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May 3rd, 2012


10:11 am
"Allow me to introduce Randall Shartington."

"Oh please, call me Randy Sharts, as my friends do."

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February 19th, 2012


11:55 pm
How long did it take for you to decide that it was time to go?
When did you go out and find the drugs?
To make you high and die?
When did you leave your body, in that ditch?
How long until the state police found it?
Identified you?
Told the people who cared about you and broke their hearts?

I wish I could have had the chance to talk you out of it.
Why didn't you call me Josh?
We'll never finish watching Medea now.

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January 22nd, 2012


11:27 pm
I feel out of place
How do others not notice
That something is wrong
It irks me in a way
It is my nature to fix things
To make them work how they should
And I am irked by what I see everyday
Broken people, in broken places
Look around you, can't you feel it?

I don't sleep
It's always on my mind

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December 14th, 2011


12:18 pm
They used to joke about the spring in my step
I got from stomping through the toy-land that was home
To all my childhood memories

Good-bye Texas, keep all your bloody hand-prints and strangled mothers

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November 7th, 2011


02:33 am
Just a glass women
With a paper heart
Making little frail children
That she let fall apart

It kept on building up
No sense of control
So weak, never knew what it meant to be strong
Now I'm nothin but paint-scraper scars

You made me this way
I'm the idol of pain and nothingness
No matter how much I tore away
No matter how red
The mark of you just wouldn't go away

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October 14th, 2011


06:29 am - Hmm.
So I went to the doctor's office to see about my lack of motivation. I finally felt like it was time to get some help with that and hopefully set my shit right. Actually, I was hoping that she would just give me some Adderall because that's what I was given as a kid, but then she had me fill out this form. Basically, start to finish, the form was asking things like, "Do you think about hurting yourself, do you often feel guilty or ashamed, do you often think about dying?" To which I answered yes. At this the doctor told me that I had some major depression and anxiety issues. So now I'm starting on some anti-depressants/anxiety meds. Which I am okay with so long as I start to feel motivated to do...anything!

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October 7th, 2011


02:16 am - lol wut

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